I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
