She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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