these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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