can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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