I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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