Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
