three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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