we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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