i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
