im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
