did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize