Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
