Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
