my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
