All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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