y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
