actually, I'm a sock model
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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