oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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