How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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