Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the raccoons are back...
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