I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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