I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he thought i was a dude.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
