She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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