I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
