Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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