Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize