i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
how does that bad decision feel?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
