she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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