i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
