i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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