I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Randomize
