Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
