The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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