I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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