Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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