did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
