What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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