your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize