I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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