I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
either way he was missing a nipple.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
