We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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