Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
