Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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