Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
