I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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