I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
