bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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