you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
