do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
