I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
