I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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