every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
