Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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