my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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