sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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