So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize