There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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