I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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