question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize