1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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