Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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