if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
