Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
nutella sex= disaster
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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