I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
