fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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