you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
